< The Aerican Empire

In honor of International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day 2008, the government of the Aerican Empire hereby sponsors this music festival and contest.

The Contest: Take a famous piece of music, lyrics, poetry, or whatever else occurs to you, and changes the words to make it funny(er). Source material can be folk music, popular music, or even an original piece for the really artistic among you.

The Rules: Between March 1st and March 22nd, interested participants should submit either directly to the Emperor or over the mailing list the lyrics to a song parody, filk, or original song. All submissions should be directly or tangentially related to the Empire in some way, shape or form... this might done by simply making the parody vaguely science-fiction themed, or making it a ballad about towels or penguins, or even turning it into an Imperial national anthem (the government makes no guarantees that national anthems which get submitted have any chance of being selected as an official and legal anthem). Starting on March 23rd, all entries will be made public, and the whole of the Empire may cast their votes to see the winner will be. To qualify as an entry, only the lyrics need to be submitted as text; anyone with the time, resources, and energy to actually record themselves singing their parody has gone above and beyond the call of duty and will be showered with praise but does not have a better chance at winning the prize. Speaking of which,

The Prize: The first-prize winner will have their choice of one of the following:
- A hand-painted Warhammer 40K space marine from the Imperial armies
- A rare and highly-sought @aericanempire.com e-mail address of their choice
- A signed box of dog biscuits
Additional prizes may be given out for submissions which obviously had a lot of work put into them or which are of superior comedic value.

We have many people whose first language is not English, and so submissions may be in any language. Since most of the judges speak English only, submitting in that language might be a good idea none-the-less.

The Winner: Ravengirl!

1st prize:
Limited edition one-of-a-kind contest exclusive "Defender of the Biscuits" Space Marine

The submissions:

Rachkovsky
Christopher Wright
Zachary Vance
Ravengirl
Citizen: Rachkovsky
Parody of: Colbie Caillat's song Bubly

IVE BEEN Online FOR A WHILE NOW
they’ve GOT ME laughing LIKE A cow NOW
BECAUSE I get some mail from, Aericans
I GET to laughing, quit hysterical

IT STARTS IN MY TOES
Send Milk up my nose
WHERE EVER IT GOES I ALWAYS KNOW
THAT they MAKE ME SMILE
their really my style
read one at a time
Or two in a row

THE RAIN IS FALLIN ON MY WINDOW PANE
I am really board with all this My Space
funny jokes from, Israel and Canada
The Ausie Back, and Granada

IT STARTS IN MY TOES
Send Milk up my nose
WHERE EVER IT GOES I ALWAYS KNOW
THAT they MAKE ME SMILE
their really my style
read one at a time
Or two in a row

WHAT AM I GONNA SAY
The Empire’s here to Stay aye aye
It JUST........MMMMay aye aye

IT STARTS IN MY Toes
Send Milk up my nose
WHERE EVER IT GOES I ALWAYS KNOW
THAT they MAKE ME SMILE
their really my style
read one at a time
Or two in a row

I’VE BEEN online FOR A WHILE NOW
laughing LIKE A pasture, cow, NOW
It’s all rather neat that we got folks on mars
Pluto, Verdin and in Israeli bars.

Citizen: Christopher Wright
Parody of: Reach for the Stars by S Club 7

When the world, leaves you feeling blue
You can laugh at me, I'll never refuse you
When it feels, all your jellied eels
Are a million leagues away, we will all amuse you

We've got to all joke together
Killer penguins, there for each other
We won't let you forget that
I've got you and you've got a towel, so

Reach for the fish
Smack every halibut harder
Reach for the fish
Check you've got some in your larder
Reach for the fish
And when that grin is beaming over you
That's when our jokes have made you hoot

There's a field, waiting just for you
It's a special field, where the cows all go 'moo'
Fly away, swim the ocean blue
To Pluto and Mars, and Retsaot Island, too
Don't stop, gotta keep moving
Psyche and Chompsville are calling
Never ever forget that
I've got you and you've got a towel, so

Reach for the fish
Smack every halibut harder
Reach for the fish
Check you've got some in your larder
Reach for the fish
And when that grin is beaming over you
That's when our jokes have made you hoot

Don't believe in all that you've been told
Your mind's the limit, you can break the mould
Verden's real as France or Mexico
And ignore geography
Earth's twenty-five square feet
I said reach!

Smack every halibut (reach)
Laugh like a loon (reach)
Follow that penguin
And you'll make us all laugh, too!

Reach for the fish
Smack every halibut harder
Reach for the fish
Check you've got some in your larder
Reach for the fish
And when that grin is beaming over you
That's when our jokes have made you hoot
Reach for the fish
Smack every halibut harder
Reach for the fish
Check you've got some in your larder
Reach for the fish
And when that grin is beaming over you
That's when our jokes have made you hoot

Citizen: Zachary Vance
Original Piece

He went to join the the ASC
to ensure justice, allow mercy.
Calling him a grand buffoon,
they poked him with a cat balloon.
He was perfect for the job.

He retorted with a tort strawberry--
the justices fell over merry.
"Truly, prodigy of wit." they smiled,
"But can he live facing a trial?"
He was perfect for the job.

Before a drab and gray-faced con
The youth is brought, trembling, wan.
"We sentence you to life behind the bar:
support defendants, near and far."
He was perfect for the job.

Decried the solemn, angered lout,
"I shall smack you with a trout"
The applicant with motions deft
smiled, switching salmon right to left.
He was perfect for the job.

The convicted now spends his days on TV
settling cases with laughter and glee.
Said the applicant "I cannot linger
I hear there's room on Jerry Springer."
He was perfect for the job.

Citizen: Ravengirl
Parody of: Jonathan Coulton's "IKEA"

Aerica

Long ago in Montreal
Eric was still pretty small
When he had the idea
How to be Emperor of it all
Maybe he didn’t understand
That to have a country you need some land
So he claimed his room
And what happened was more than he planned

Aerica: just some pages online and a whole bunch of emails
Aerica: a place you can’t go, but maybe it’s more real
Not everyone belongs
So if you don’t belong, you belong there

Other countries are all the same
Ours is a little more insane
We like it just fine, and we hope that you will agree
However, if you think we suck
You just might want to duck
Or you might be struck with a halibut in the face

Aerica: just some pages online and a whole bunch of emails
Aerica: a place you can’t go, but maybe it’s more real
Not everyone belongs
So if you don’t belong, you belong there

Aerica: smily faces
Aerica: penguin death squad
Aerica: royal family
All of them crazy
All of them like me

I can’t explain it anymore
But of one thing I’m sure
I’m glad I stumbled across it so long ago
I know that I have a friend
Every time that I hit send
It’s the best country I’ve never been to

Aerica: just some pages online and a whole bunch of emails
Aerica: a place you can’t go, but maybe it’s more real
Not everyone belongs
So if you don’t belong, you belong there

Honourable mention: For submitting song titles without full lyrics
1) Disturbed's "I'm Down With The Penguin"
2) Tears For Fears' "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" Imperial Remix


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