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Retsaot Island

Retsaot Island (pronounced Ret-sar-ot) is an island in the middle of the lake at the Ashburton Domain, Ashburton, New Zealand, about an hours drive south of Christchurch. The colony includes this island and the lake it sits upon, Lake Supytalp, an area covering approximately 400 square meters. Retsaot Island is unique in the Empire for being the only colony which comes complete with its own moat, lacking only in crocodiles (all other predators having long since been driven to extinction by man-eating orange power plugs).

The History of Retsaot Island

Once upon a Saturday night there were four wandering noble warriors, who were known as Zim, Cricket, RadSquirrel and Llamaduck. These four were hired by the magical mighty mise mystic Hitchens (he couldn't make wise fit with his magical powers of alliteration) to locate a great treasure, which would give them all happiness and peace, at least until Sunday morning. However, the magical mighty mise mystic, in his misedom, had also hired many others to try and locate the treasure, knowing that many would be defeated and quite possibly fall into states of extreme wetness along the way. He promised that the warriors who located the great treasure first would not only share a part of it, but also be bestowed with titles befitting their success.

Our four heroes immediately set out, quickly enlisting the help of the wise woman Laurel and her four-wheeled stead to transport them the many miles they would have to go. Following a piece of a treasure map that had been written by the mighty mystics assistant, the Rainmaker, our four adventurers found themselves travelling far and wide, often watching helplessly as those that also followed the map were thrown off course by such horrors as hidden reflective tape and computer mini-golf, and were not able to retrieve more pieces of the map that would guide them towards the treasure.

The sun had set over the land when the map led the four to a wide lake, upon which lay an island where the last piece of the map could be found. However, there was no bridge to cross the lake to the island and in the darkness horrible screeching noises could be heard coming from the water. Our heroes were stumped as to how they could cross the lake and Llamaduck, Cricket and RadSquirrel proceeded to sit on the shore and stare blankly at the piece of reflective tape they could see glinting at them across the water, marking the place where the last piece of the map could be found. Zim however, snuck back to Laurels four-wheeled stead and produced an enormous biscuit (chocolate chip) from the back of it. He rolled it to the lake and set it in the water, where it floated just well enough to allow a small warrior to be carried across the lake. RadSquirrel, being the smallest warrior, was soon volunteered by Cricket to make the crossing and slowly set her foot upon the biscuit.

Then slowly a giant orange power plug rose out of the water right beside the biscuit, lightening bolts of electricity darting between its prongs, casting an eerie glow across the dark lake and brightly illuminating the four warriors. The three warriors on shore took several steps backwards so as to remain out of reach of the monster and RadSquirrel with a mighty leap, got off the biscuit as fast as possible. The gigantic power plug then lowered its prongs into the biscuit and with an almighty electrical roar sank back beneath the water, taking the biscuit with it. All seemed lost as in the distance the roaring of another four-wheeled stead could be heard, signalling the arrival of another group of warriors and breaking the stunned, unbelieving silence of the four, whose only way of crossing the lake had now been lost.

RadSquirrel shook her head in bewilderment and as she did so, noticed a dark shadow in the lake on the other side of the island. She gave a joyful cry as she realised that it was a fallen log, not noticed before in the darkness, which provided a path to the island. With Cricket taking the lead our four warriors raced around the lake, pausing only for a team photograph, knowing that there was another group of warriors was hot on their tails. Reaching the other side of the lake they carefully made their way across the log as it shifted beneath them. All their carefulness did not stop Zim falling off and getting himself into a state of extreme wetness, but eventually the island was reached and the last piece of the map was claimed. Then and there on the island the four made a pact; that from that moment on the island would be theirs, and that if RadSquirrel-ever-tripped-over-an-empire-then-they-would-immediately-give-their-island-to-said-empire. The four noble warriors then returned to their four-wheeled stead and followed the last piece of the map to the treasure. As with all stereotypical fantasy stories, they reached the treasure first and got to eat most of it before anyone else arrived. As promised, the were then knighted with a milk flavoured lollipop by the magical mighty mise mystic Hitchens and from then on were known as Zim the Wet Foreigner, Cricket the Strong Bat, RadSquirrel the All Good Qualities and Llamaduck the Absolutely Indescribable.

The End

Well actually several weeks later RadSquirrel tripped over the Aerican Empire in a book shop (no really, she did actually trip over the entire Empire in a book shop, amazing how the laws of physics seem not to apply to some people) and all sorts of interesting things happened after that, but it seemed like a good time to end the story and leave everyone hanging as to what happens next. Harhar!